In true coming of age fashion, I have compiled a playlist that captures what my movie would feel like.
It’s full of heartbreaking, soul saving, exhilarating songs that make me okay with the fact that I’m almost an adult now, that has to do adult things, like driving over speed bumps and paying for my own movie tickets.
Like all genre playlists, though, there’s subdivisions.
There are songs for wishing you could turn back time. There are songs for wishing you could speed it up. And there are songs for wishing that you could stay in a moment and the way it makes you feel, for the rest of your life.
Lately, I’ve been feeling stuck in one of those turn it back/speed it up tidal waves. The ones that flip you over and make you feel like you have no choice but to cartwheel with it and hope you make it out alive.
That’s a scary feeling, but I’ve been flailing in it long enough to know that at some point, like all waves, there’s a release.
I’m just waiting for it.
NEVER F*CKIN KNOW (by poutyface)
This song tells its own story, but when I listen to it, I feel like it’s the beginning of a movie I’d like to star in.
The movie is filmed from Cherrie’s, the main character’s, perspective, as she makes her way home from a frat party that she went to alone.
Frizzy haired, covered in vomit and smelling like cheap beer, she decides immediately to accept the unknown.
As she stumbles out the door of the frat, she’s got guys high-fiving and congratulating her. She starts her walk in the middle of the street, heels in hand, light morning drizzle, telling us, her audience, what she can remember from the night.
How she got there and immediately stole some guy’s hat and sunglasses, because they looked way better on her anyways. She ran the bar in the kitchen for a bit. She became the flip-cup champ. She whooped the entire football team at Beer Pong. She even started a sporadic karaoke session in the basement.
But she doesn’t remember how she ended the night, and she doesn’t much care to. She just knows that she tried to hard, and fooled everyone into thinking that she hadn’t.
Cars swerve around her but she doesn’t move an inch right or left. She gets home so quick, she’s in the door before the sun even rises, but not before she takes a pause to puke whatever’s left in the bushes.
After an hour of showering, brushing her teeth, getting dressed and eating cold pizza in front of the TV, she’s back in class looking like nothing even happened, asking questions and answering them herself, before the Professor even gets a chance to think.
For Cherrie, it was just another Friday.
Purge the Poison (MARINA)
Classes over, it’s time to get back to whatever last night was.
Either way, it’s decided that Cherrie’s never doing that again. At least, not alone.
Tonight, the girls get called in. They all needed a night out, anyways, and Cherrie needed one good enough to replace the mystery monstrosity that took place a few hours ago.
Getting ready, they sing this song to each other. They know it by heart, because it’s their song.
They’ve only known each other for months, but have steadily reassured one another that the world revolves around each of them, and they all take turns being the center.
Red lipstick paints the lips of the night’s winner, and tonight, that’s Cherrie.
Last night was great (probably), but she wants to make sure she remembers tonight. They all slip on deep red and black dresses, stilettos and clutch purses, but Cherrie wears gold.
She’s always felt best in gold, thinking it gaudy enough to be perfect. It’s her lucky color, and she wears it every time she puts on the red lip.
Because when the sun sits in the middle and lets the rest of the planets revolve around her, she shines gold.
Tonight, Cherrie shines.
Tonight, the girls are going in for the kill.
The moment they get to the club, it changes to their speed.
Everything moves slower than it did before they got there.
Heads don’t turn to look at them, bodies do.
No one meets their eyes, and they don’t want them to.
Fear and Power go together like strawberries and chocolate, and the combination tastes even sweeter.
Girls hold their friends a little closer, boys down their drinks a little quicker, and everyone else couldn’t be bothered to pretend they had a chance.
Lovefool (The Cardigans)
After a couple songs passed and drinks were downed or spilled, the girls loosened up, and they didn’t care about going full Jennifer’s Body anymore.
They just wanted to dance.
And when they danced, everyone else had to too.
Drinks were bought for those that hugged the walls, girls were taught how to move a bit smoother, and the music was queued up with songs that made each and every person feel like they were on top of the world.
With all of that going on, there wasn’t much room to be concerned with being the center of the world.
That made it easy to do it naturally.
Cherrie danced from her hips and carried her fingers up and through her hair, until she reached them up so high that she felt like she was holding hands with the moon.
She brought them back down and to her knees, where she came face to face with a girl that she’d never met. She stayed there until they started singing to each other.
Eventually, Cherrie got sweaty enough to need water. She sat up on the bar to wait for a bottle, and as she did, she watched the crowd.
They were dancing with each other. Sure, they were screaming and crying, only some of them laughing. But they were dancing.
She did that. Without even trying.
And that’s when she realized
That’s what last night was missing.
Not even friends.