When it comes to romantic like and love, I’ve only ever felt the former and called it the latter.
These are songs that I’ve collected over the heart break of unrequited like, all of whom I never dated, but felt like I might has well have.
Because I was insane.
PRE-WARNING: When it came to having a crush, especially in middle and high school, I took it so insanely far. Whether in person, in my head, or both. Especially the last few years. High school did something to me, man.
I. Was. I-N-S-A-N-E!!!!!!!!
And still sort of am, but that’s a story for another time.
Except for the first one, these are the songs I listened to post heart-break for each of them.
I am dramatic, I am self-indulging, and I am absolutely self-centered in the most embarrassing way in these situations, so feel free to laugh at all of those moments as I relay them. Trust me, I’m laughing at them too, in the most embarrassed, cringing-at-my-actions-and-my-words, type of way.
Those who know me personally, feel free to guess which song belongs to who, but I most definitely will not be confirming nor denying them to you. Also, anything as recent as sophomore year is NOT mentioned. I’m not dumb enough to
Unless you’re Naleiah. Then you can know.
Anyways, let’s begin.
Sorry to all of these boys. Sorry to younger me.
Thanks for unknowingly fueling my dramatic abilities these past few years.
(One of Those) Crazy Girls (Paramore)
This song has always scared me. Like, seriously terrified me. It still kind of does.
I used to ask my mom, “Why is she doing all of this? And why is she openly admitting to it? This stuff is all illegal. She could literally be arrested for it.”
And she would laugh in a way that was like, “oh, you know.”
I did not know.
But I do know, now. At least, I think that I do.
The song isn’t speaking in literal terms. Hayley Williams didn’t actually break into her ex’s house with a key that she copied, and go into his closet just to smell his scent on his clothes.
Or maybe she did and everything I’m about to say is absolutely moronic.
On the chance that it isn’t, here’s what I think it’s about:
I think it’s about hearing all of these things that obsessive girls would do after heartbreak. Things like stalking their ex, online or in-person, or contacting their family and friends to ask about them long after you break up.
Hearing all those things and thinking that you could never do something like that, because it is 100% bonkers and you are a completely sane and sound individual with much bigger worries than boys and romantic problems.
And then you find someone you really like.
You like them, like a lot.
Like, so much that you become infatuated, or you fall in love. or what you think love could or should be.
Then, out of nowhere, they break your heart.
And all of a sudden, you could absolutely see yourself doing something like that.
This song is the expression of realizing those emotions, and letting yourself feel all of them. Hopefully, without the action behind them. It’s the admission that love or even like highlights that potential within you, and feeling insane for realizing you could actually be that insane.
That’s what this blog post feels like.
Reflecting and realization of my insanity.
Telling my little self, “Kate, you do in fact know. You could be that crazy girl. In some instances, you most definitely were. Deal with it.”
It’s the truth for Hayley, it’s the truth for me, and it is most definitely the truth for you.
We are all one of those crazy girls, because that’s what love, even like, can turn you into.
Absolutely, break into your ex’s house with a key that you copied, and go into his closet just to smell his scent on his clothes, crazy.
(Also, just for clarification’s sake. I did NOT do any of those things. Just felt crazy enough that I could have. Which is still, admittedly, INSANE.)
Before He Cheats (Carrie Underwood)
Ah, Middle School.
The year was 2014, I was in 6th grade, and fully in the trenches of my very real, very first, crush on a boy.
I met him in English class, he was kind of funny, and liked the same movies that I did. We were friends until we climbed the rock wall in P.E. and he helped me reach the top.
And then, I was deeply in like.
I started dropping hints and telling all my friends, but this boy was absolutely oblivious, and also, had the biggest crush on my best friends’ softball teammate.
I found that out and had this song on ALL DAMN DAY.
We never dated, we never ever had mutual feelings for one another, and I didn’t even tell him about it until years later.
But I felt betrayed.
So deeply betrayed that, in fact, I didn’t talk to him for the rest of the year.
I would face time my friends crying, singing this song, while on the call, to my hearts’ best ability. I would blast it in my headphones when we were allowed to listen to music during class. I wrote the lyrics down everywhere, for which I would get in trouble for if caught because they had the word “tramp” in them and I was 11.
My friends and I made a pact to keep him in silence around us, and we all obeyed it.
Then, the next year, one of my friends had started to like him and I completely abandoned my heartbreak. I was done, so it was done, and everyone moved on.
Still, it was the beginning of an overdramatic cycle, and a realization.
I liked hard, so I loved hard, so I hurt hard.
And that fire came with every. Single. Crush.
All Too Well (Taylor Swift)
The power I let this one have over me is outright embarrasing.
I truly don’t even want to mention it, but it’s such a great song and such an embarrassingly confusing story that I feel the need to.